The End.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I will be taking this blog down within the next week.

I started this blog in the hope to connect with people I did not get to talk to very often. So we could catch up on eachothers' lives on a more personal level than just Facebook or MySpace. I had hoped that as I make changes and decisions in my life I would be able to share openly with everyone who reads this...no matter how emotional and difficult those changes may be.

Throughout my entire life I have used writing as a way to express my emotions. I am the first to admit that I am not the best at communication. I use writing as a way to de-stress and just let everything go. For me, it's so much easier than talking about it. Maybe it's some sort of defense mechanism? I don't know. But it helps and calms me. I had hoped that this blog would be a sort of journal. Somewhere that if I needed advice, or help, or encouragement, or just needed to get something off of my chest, I would be able to write about it.

Unfortunately, this blog has ceased to be a place for me to write free of judgement and ridicule. It has become the opposite of what I had hoped it would be...it has become stressful and worrisome to me. Instead of being a place to release my feelings - it has become somewhere that, even as I write this, I know that people are judging me. I have to be careful about what I write because I know it will backfire on me.

I want to assure everyone who may be wondering - I am ok. Do I have alot going on right now? Yes. Do I have some important decisions to make in the near future? Yes. But honestly - what 22/23-year old, (semi) recent college grad is not thinking about the rest of their lives right now? About what they want to do with their career, where they want to live, the type of family they want to have? I am in the process of re-evaluating where I am at right now, and deciding if I want to make changes to my current path.

I am the type of person who lives with no regrets. I do not regret anything I've done with my life up to this point. Even though I may bitch and moan sometimes, I really do love my life. I have a college degree and will hopefully be persuing my Master's within the next year. I have a stable job that, granted I do not love, but I definitely do like and I really could not ask for a better company to work for. I have an amazing group of friends who would be there for me at the drop of a hat if I needed them. My family, while not as close as we used to be, I know supports and loves me no matter what. I am living on my own and supporting myself. No - I'm not married and I don't have kids...nor do I have plans to do either of those things in the near future. When the time is right, those things will happen. I am in no rush. I believe that I am a good person. I am not perfect and I make alot of mistakes. But I believe that my flaws make me who I am. I mean, c'mon, who wants to be perfect?

I want to thank everyone who has read this blog and supported me and offered advice or giudance over the past couple of years. If you would like to keep in close contact, I do still have a Facebook or you can reach me by email at lcstratt@hotmail.com. If you want my cell phone number, email or message me and I will give it to you.

Thanks everyone.
Lisa

Adventures of a Single 22 Year Old: Tired.

I feel like I've been taking care of myself my entire life. And I'm tired of it. I learned the essentials of living on my own since way before I actually lived by myself. I've learned that I'm the only person I can really rely on. I'm independent and I'm proud of myself for being that way.

But lately I just wish I had someone who could take care of me. I think it was being so sick the past few weeks that brought that on. I'm tired of not having someone to go and get me medicine and soup. Not having someone to come home to at night when I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. Not having someone to cry and whine to when I'm having a bad day.

I'm tired of coming home at night and I'm alone. When I work until 2 or 3 am I come home and no one is there to make me feel safe. I know my friends and family care about and love me, but it's not the same. It's not the same as having someone who just knows you and who is there every night and day for you. And everyone out in blog land who has that knows what I mean.

I'm tired of dating. Of pretending to be someone I'm not just to impress some guy who inevitably ends up being a d-bag. Of living in a city where everyone seems so fake. Of wanting to move and not having the courage to do so. Of pretending like I'm not in love with the one guy who really does know me and love me for me, but he's not here. Of broken promises and unrealized dreams.

I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of taking care of myself. I'm tired of feeling like it's wrong for me to want someone to be there for me when I need them.

I'm just so tired.

Es Mi Casa

Amy just posted pictures of her and Andrew's apartment after living there for 6 weeks....I've lived in mine for 6 months and, alas, no pictures. So - since I finally cleaned my apartment - here are a couple of photos!

This is my "guest" bath...which is funny because I rarely have guests and it's super tiny. It also has hot pink towels and candles/deco which I LOVE! I'm slowely decorating each room in my apartment, and started with this one... My living room from view of my entry way/"dining" room (which has no table or chairs, only a makeshift bar). Nice and big, but also weird layout, which is why my couch is in the middle of the room. Still not sure about what to do with the space behind my couch since there is basically a wall of windows on the wall behind it... (i didn't even take a picture of the patio since there is nothing on it but dirt and leaves...)

My itsy-bitsy kitchen. No explanation neccesary.

My bedroom from view of my door. There's a fountain outside the window, which sounds lovely, but it also makes me wake up every morning thinking its raining. It's dissapointing when I turn on the news and find out its 110 degrees and not a cloud in sight. My messy, messy desk in the bedroom.. "Master" Bathroom. sink in the middle...toilet/shower on the right side, closet on the left.

Two in One Post

Not alot of time to post right now, so here is a quick picture from Danielle and Jon's wedding AND a picture of me and my daddy (in honor of Father's Day yesterday). This was at the very end of the reception, so I was super sweaty and tired after dancing and being on my feet all day.

I spent all day Sunday hanging at the hotel where the reception was held (my dad had gotten a room there) while he golfed, then we spent a couple hours hanging out together. And he came and had lunch with me at work today too! The best gift of all is getting to spend time with him, especially since I won't see him until his birthday in August again. I am a total daddy's girl and i miss him terribly when he is working out of town. I cherish every moment we get to spend together when he is home.

Out of time... I will blog about the wedding soon!

Quick Post

My best friend is getting married tomorrow. I love her and he fiance so very much. They are soulmates in every sense of the word. It's surreal that this day has finally come. I am going to be a blubbering mess tomorrow...i've already cried twice today and it was only the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner. oy.

Love you Miss D! You are going to be a beautiful bride!

Adventures of a Single 22-Year Old: Changes

I need to change my life. For my emotional and mental health. I have a few options i have been considering....most of which involve me moving away from my current life:

• Joining the military - reserve, not active duty. It's something I have wanted to do for many years...Air Force, most likely, although I would look into other branches as well.
• Out of State Grad School - UNLV, SDSU, UCSD and many others I have looked into. I won't go t0 grad school in AZ if I decide to go
• Peace Corps/AmeriCorps/Red Cross - international non-profit work....amazing

Just some options. I feel so lost right now. I need to figure out what to do in order to be found.

Adventures of a Single 22-Year Old: Getting Over It

How do you trust another after you have been hurt so badly you don't think it's possible to trust someone again? When you give someone your entire heart and they tear it into pieces? Honestly, after something like that...how is it possible to trust someone else not to do the same thing?

That's my dilemma lately. I hate being one of those girls who is so screwed up by the guy who screwed her over that she can't move on. It's not even that...I want to move on. In a lot of ways I have moved on. But I find myself getting close to someone and it's like something inside me pulls back and says "Woah wait - remember what happened last time you felt this way?" Which leads to the fact that I completely messed up an opportunity to get to know a seemingly great guy.

How do I get over it? How do I let someone in again?

"The reasons I'm alone I know by heart
But I don't want to spend forever in the dark
I swear next time I'll hang on for dear life
If love ever gives me another try"
-Josh Turner "Another Try"

The best decision I ever made was to start turning off my phone when I go to sleep at night. Anything anyone wants to tell me can be told between the hours of 6:30am and 10:30pm.

I think I should put that on my voicemail. Like those annoying voicemails when offices are closed.

"You have reached the voicemail of Lisa Stratton. My eyes are currently closed. Please call back between between the hours of 6:30am and 10:30pm and I would be happy to assist you. If you need immediate attention...well...you're screwed because I only have one phone number. Thank you."

Adventures of a Single 22-Year Old: There's More to Me than You

I hope that today will be the last day I have to deal with my ex-"fiancee". Jessica Andrews couldn't have said it better....

I spent years and all this time thinking I was better off cuz you were mine
You always said it was your way or the highway
So I'm shiftin my life into drive
I'm getting out, kissing the past good-bye
Like Toby said, "How do you like me now?"
This conversation has run dry

And I keep telling myself
There's more to me than you
Don't underestimate what I can do
Well I'm alright, it's okay
I know I'll make it through
Cuz there's more to me than you

I'm not saying I'm battered and bruised
but I might as well be with the words you used
I believe in myself, that makes me stronger

Things changed and so have I
I'm gonna make hay while the sun still shines
You can clip my wings, but I'm still gonna fly
I'm on my own and on my way
And I keep telling myself

There's more to me than you
Don't underestimate what I can do
Well I'm alright, it's okayI know I'll make it through
Cuz there's more to me than you

There's always something that meant more to you than me
And I'm just sorry it's taking this for you to see

There's more to me than you
Don't underestimate what I can do
Well I'm alright, it's okay
I know I'll make it through
Cuz there's more to me than you

"That old me is dead and gone, but the new me will be alright"

Random

I stole the idea for my “Random” posts from Amy’s “Etc” posts. Sorry. I hope you don’t mind.
My boss is talking again about hiring someone for the front desk.
I don’t think it will actually happen. Again.
I feel like my family is falling apart. Or one side of my family is at least.
I want to go back to Europe.
Amy is in England. Right now.
My friend Chelsea will be in Ireland for 10 days this summer and asked me to come with her.
I hate my lack of money.
Once I am more financially stable, I want to start an event planning business. With my sister.
I thought of that idea as I have been planning Danielle’s bridal shower.
I know way more about engineering than I ever wanted to.
Thinking about going back to school in a year or two.
I played an April Fool’s joke on my sister. Convinced her I was pregnant.
It was the highlight of my day.
I love turkey sandwiches. Wheat bread, cheese, tomato, lettuce and light mayo. Yum.
Thinking about dying my hair. Lighter or Darker?
Starting to babysit for extra money. Meh- at least it’s easy (mostly)
I haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep in almost 3 weeks.
I’m tired.
I’m going to Mexico in two weeks. Taking a Friday and Monday off work.
It will be my first day off since Mid-January (not counting weekends of course)
I shouldn’t complain about working too much….I guarantee we all work less than Andrew.
I love my niece and nephews. Brings a smile to my face just thinking about them.
Too bad my nephews have baseball games at 8am on Saturday mornings. So early.
I have watched my Twilight DVD 1,357 times since I got it last weekend.
It’s such a bad movie. Yet I continue to watch it. Over and over and over again.
Out.

Adventures of a Single 22-year Old: Settling Down

(Notice that I had to change it to “22 Year Old”? …sigh…)

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it will take for me to settle down with someone. It is a known fact that a) I am a relentless flirt and b) I enjoy going out and meeting guys. It’s fun. I don’t do anything irresponsible or dangerous. I just like it.

I have yet to meet a guy who makes me want to not do that anymore.

What will it take for me to want to be in a relationship more than I want to be single?

I wish I knew the answer.

In reference to the post below...

I get bored very easily. I think I might have a touch of ADD. So the fact that I have had the exact same routine for months now is…mind-numbing. To say the least. Monday through Friday I get up, go to work, work all day, come home about 6:30p, eat dinner, read/get on the internet/etc, watch a little TV and go to bed usually by 10pm. Weekends are spent doing miscellaneous things…running errands, cleaning my apartment, doing laundry, and hanging out with my friends. The end. I just described my life in two sentences.

Needless to say I need to change something. I just can’t figure out what. I think part of my boredom revolves around the fact that I am slightly unsatisfied with my career. Don’t get me wrong- I love my job and the people I work with and I have no intention of quitting anytime in the near future. But I always pictured myself doing something that would make a difference. I want to help people and change the world and all that really optimistic stuff. Right now all I do is help my company make money.

I have considered getting back into doing volunteer work because I have always loved that and it may make me feel more accomplished. However, I need to find something very flexible because my work hours can be very erratic at times. Plus- I can’t decide what I want to volunteer with. I love working with kids, but I’ve done the Girl Scout thing and would like to try something different. I wouldn’t mind mentoring, but I don’t want to commit to a relationship if time becomes an issue and I have to give it up- that’s not fair to the child.

I would also like to move but, considering I just signed a lease in January, that’s not a possibility right now. I think if I do move out of my apartment next year, I will most likely move to a different part of the Valley. Just for something different. I’m not ready to move out of AZ yet, but moving to Tempe or Scottsdale or Downtown Phoenix would at least be a little change of scenery. I really like my apartment/apartment complex, but I had to choose where to live so quickly when I moved out that I didn’t have much time to consider my other options.

I want to meet new people. This is not saying that I want to ditch all of my friends and make new ones, because that is not the case. I would just like to…expand my horizons I guess. Meet people that I haven’t known since high school. Hopefully, through my job and possibly through volunteering, I can start to do this. My problem is that I am so awkward around people I don’t know…I think I make a bad first impression. Hmm- that will be something I will have to work on I guess.

Anyways, this is just what I have been thinking about lately. Thinking, thinking and more thinking. Now it’s just a matter of doing.

I'm bored. With life. Stuck in a rut. Tired of my routine.

I need a change.

I'm just not sure yet what that change is going to be...

On my soapbox

It is a fact that I am obsessed with Twilight. I love it. I would read the series over and over and over again if I had the time. It is a fun, creative story and Stephenie Meyer is an incredible author. Twilight is an escape into a fantasy world full of passionate love, adventure, mystery and hope.

That being said, I understand that Twilight is not a "classic". It will never be up there in the ranks of books by authors like Ayn Rand, Jane Austen, Edith Wharton, Ernest Hemingway or any other number of really amazing authors (in my opinion, of course). It is not an intense and intellectually stimulating novel. It is fun. FUN. F-U-N.



I consider myself to be a pretty intelligent person, but I continually get harped on for being a Twilight fan. Who cares what I read? At least I'm reading! And the same can be said for the millions of teenage girls (and boys) who have read Twilight. All of these young adults who may have little to no interest in reading before are now locked in their rooms reading! It's better than having their brains rotting away watching TV or playing video games, right?



So give myself and my fellow Twilight fans a break. It's ok if you're not a fan. Just like I am not a fan of Harry Potter (Sorry, Amy). We all have different tastes. But please do not act like you are better/smarter/cleaner/prettier/richer or able to cure cancer because you don't read it. We all have our guilty pleasures.



...Mine just happens to revolve around sparkling vampires.



Lisa. Out.

Freedom. Sweet freedom.

Quick update on life on my own:

-I love it.

The end.

haha just kidding.

- I just got internet/cable on Friday. I got so used to not having it that I still find myself grabbing my phone to check email, etc, then I go "WTH Lisa, go get on the computer!"
- I hate unpacking. But I love decorating. Unfortunately, I have to unpack my decorative items before I can actually do the decorating. Life is cruel sometimes.
- I have about 5,321 pictures that need to be hung on my walls.
- I've become a cheapskate. I sit in my apartment with no lights on, just the TV. People probably think I'm a weirdo when they come over.
- Don't always trust online bill pay. Annoying, but luckily problem was solved quickly. Dang APS.
- I have met exactly one of my neighbors. I am so antisocial.
- I love being by myself. Yes, there are times when I wish I had someone to talk to. But honestly, I talk ALL dat at work. When I get home, I want to just be quiet. Sit in my PJS, watch TV, read, whatever. It's wonderful not having to worry about what anyone else is doing.
- I have alot of boxes. If you or anyone you knows needs boxes, PLEASE let me know. Most of them are file boxes or computer paper boxes that I got from work.
- If you want my new address....please email me! In a perfect world I would be proactive enough to send out an email to everyone with it...but I'm not. And I don't want to post it here for all the creepers to see.

That's pretty much it for the apartment. I'll take pictures once I get a little bit more unpacked.

Other things in life:
- Work is good. My boss gave me Suns tickets to the game against OK City last Friday which was SO good. Row 18 in Section 121...which is lower level at the Suns bench end of the court. SO cool. I've been working alot of overtime, which is good because it gives me some extra money, but I'm getting a little burned out...I may need a mini vacation soon.
- My boy is wonderful. Sweetest guy in the world....or at least that I've met. Unfortunately we only see eachother on weekends because we live about 30 minutes apart and we are both busy with work (and he goes to school too). :) Happiness.

Wow...that's really my life. Working, unpacking, hanging out with Nate and other friends on weekends. Boring, but I love it!

Hooray for the internet!

Last Blog

OK-not my last blog for FOREVER. Just for a few weeks...or longer.

I signed my lease and got my keys to my new place today. I absolutely love it. It's actually even nicer then the one I originally looked at...newer cabinets, counters and carpet. The location is great too...I only share a wall with one neighbor (well...and the ceiling since I'm on the first floor). It is so weird to think that it's my place. MINE. All MINE.

But I don't have cable or internet set up yet. I might not for awhile. It's expensive for one thing. I don't watch alot of TV. I have internet access on my phone and at work (if I really need to look something up or print something). So I figure for a little while at least I will live without it...until I get insanely bored haha.

Hopefully I will remember to bring my camera to the apartment tomorrow and take some pictures to post. If not...well everyone will just have to come visit me sometime!

Random

• Packing. So much packing.
• I hate packing. Nothing is organized...just haphazardly thrown in whatever box it fits in.
• Going to Tulsa next Thursday to see my daddy-o. I'm excited, but I think my dad is REALLY excited. He's so funny.
• While in Tulsa, I'm going to see the Brad Paisly concert. It's my bday present from my dad.
• Utilities are expensive. Suck.
• Have I mentioned how ECSTATIC I am that I'm moving????
• I can't decorate. My sister needs to help me.
• I need to learn how to cook more than girlled cheese and chicken. Anyone know of some good easy recipe websites I can browse?
• Trying to remember where I packed my Alexander Hamilton book so I can send it to Amy at some point...
• Don't know what's going to happen to my dear old cat. I can't afford to take her, my mom doesn't want to keep her :(
• Still dating super sweet guy. Going to Oregano's tonight and eating a Pizzookie. Yum.
• Still don't know how to act around said super sweet guy. HE doesn't make me uncomfortable, but it's still hard to get used to someone treating me as well as he does.
• I want to dye my hair. Blonder.....not blonde, but blonder
• Actually, wish I had her hair. Mine is boring.
• Gotta start bridal shower planning for my wonderful best friend. Bah she's getting married so soon! :)
• Holy cow I'm moving in less than two weeks.
• I have many HUGE piles of papers/mail/etc I need to sort through/file/shred. Gah.
• I'm excited to go to Ikea and get cheap furniture. I love Ikea.
• I hate crazy ex boyfriends. Idiot.
• Being home alone rocks. Pretty soon that will be all the time! :)
• Aunt Nancy needs to post pictures of Grandma Jaye's 85th birthday. Hint Hint.

The end. Lots of thoughts. Lots of stress. Lots to pack.

Amy reminded me I have not yet blogged about my move!

You may remember back in October I was possibly going to be moving into an apartment. I actually filled out an application and was approved back then, but decided in the end to wait a few more months in order to save money.

But now I am officially moving! I sign my lease on the 27th of this month. The complex is at 7th street and Peoria (just south of the Pointe Hilton Tapatio Cliffs). I'm super duper excited. I can't believe I will FINALLY be on my own. It's been a loooooooong time coming.

Once I get settled I will post pics of the apartment and give you all my new address!

Adventures of a Single 21-year old: Nice Guys DON'T Always Finish Last

I love nice guys. Guys who are genuinely sweet and respectful are SO attractive to me. I know alot of girls go for the bad boys because they are "mysterious" and "complex" (and I admit I have been one of those girls), but I am really drawn to guys who know how to treat a girl right. Unfortunately, these guys are few and far between. Girls who are smarter than I have already realized this and have snatched them up. Sad for us single gals, but true nonetheless.

I have been on a few dates with a guy recently who is one of these "nice guys". Picks me up for dates, pays, opens doors, polite, complimentary...etc,etc. Even if nothing more than just a few dates happens with this person, he has made me realize how badly I've been treated by other guys I have dated. On our first date, I was so...uneasy, because I didn't know how to act with a guy like that. I don't remember the last time I dated someone who offered to pick me up. Who opens car doors and offers me his jacket when I'm cold. I really didn't think guys like that existed. It is great to know I was wrong, but it makes me a little sad to realize how low my standards have been these past few years.

I will keep blogland updated on anything new...