I feel like I've been taking care of myself my entire life. And I'm tired of it. I learned the essentials of living on my own since way before I actually lived by myself. I've learned that I'm the only person I can really rely on. I'm independent and I'm proud of myself for being that way.
But lately I just wish I had someone who could take care of me. I think it was being so sick the past few weeks that brought that on. I'm tired of not having someone to go and get me medicine and soup. Not having someone to come home to at night when I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. Not having someone to cry and whine to when I'm having a bad day.
I'm tired of coming home at night and I'm alone. When I work until 2 or 3 am I come home and no one is there to make me feel safe. I know my friends and family care about and love me, but it's not the same. It's not the same as having someone who just knows you and who is there every night and day for you. And everyone out in blog land who has that knows what I mean.
I'm tired of dating. Of pretending to be someone I'm not just to impress some guy who inevitably ends up being a d-bag. Of living in a city where everyone seems so fake. Of wanting to move and not having the courage to do so. Of pretending like I'm not in love with the one guy who really does know me and love me for me, but he's not here. Of broken promises and unrealized dreams.
I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of taking care of myself. I'm tired of feeling like it's wrong for me to want someone to be there for me when I need them.
I'm just so tired.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Adventures of a Single 22 Year Old: Tired.
Posted by Lisa at 11:44 PM
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8 comments:
I am on your side. I feel every single thing you just wrote about. Miss you
I'm sorry I haven't brought you soup. :( I love you SO much and would be devastated if you moved, but I know you want to. I hope we can get our freak on Saturday night and forget our troubles...wanna do something after? Bar hop and dance? lol
Forever and Ever-D
Whether you believe it now or not you really can count on me. I love you and I am here for you if you need me. I would have happily brought you soup and slept on your couch and waited on you when you were sick if I had known. I love you, Mom
lisa, i don't you just saw your profile some of comments what u been written on your sites.
i think, you are not so happy with in 22 years past. do you feel better to speak or meet any expatriates if he is an artist, singer or musician?
we can try to know each other, think
you will be happy and your all the tension will be relieved and relaxed
with love
mukthi
music teacher
its sad to be so depressed at 22 years of age. Sounds like you really feel the negative side of life than than the bright side.
I don't know you but I think you are very brave. Thank you for posting about how you really feel, not how you want others to see you as feeling. I truly hope you have found happiness in whatever it is that you are up to today!
Wow, you're writing my life with this comment. I didn't figure out that I'm the only person I can rely on until I was in my 30's. I'm in my 50's now and I can really relate to how you're feeling. I hope you find someone to share your life with.
I think you have to keep writing and talking to yourself. Do not let the things you like, because people speak, and speak. People always talk about us. Neighbor will always look at your life, your grass...
Have a nice weekand. Go out to see the thing, to listen the songs!
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