It's 2:30am

and I can't sleep. Why? Well...probably because I am so sleep deprived that I have had about 25 cans of soda today just to stay awake and they all hit me at about midnight. There may be something more useful I could be doing, but really...it's 2:30am and I don't feel like it. So I figured I'd post a lil and bore you all with the thoughts and goings on of my life

I graduate in oh....10 days. Funny thing is that I wasn't really even excited about it until this week. People have been asking me all semester if I'm excited to graduate, and honestly I wasn't. I had too much going on, full class load, work, friends, etc etc to really even think about it. But I had my last class tonight and now all I have left is one final and one paper and I'm done. And now...I am ecstatic. I just can't believe it's almost here...I almost have my college degree. It's amazing feeling. I really am proud of myself, which is something I never say even if I think it. I'm just very thankful that I had the opportunity to even go to college. I'm really very lucky.

Next comes Europe. Leavin May 12th will be gone until June 4th. I met some of the people I will be going with last week and it is a really great group of people. I was nervous because it would have been terrible to not know anyone and get stuck with a boring group, but everyone I met is a lot of fun. I'll be taking TONS of pictures, but I probably won't be able to post em until I get back. I'm not bringing my laptop so I don't know what my interent access will be like because I'll have to find internet cafes. There's so much to do to get ready to leave though. Besides the obvious packing stuff, I have to figure out currency exchanging, call the bank to let them know i will be using my cards overseas, make copies of my important info, order a new drivers licsense, buy some things i need to pack, make sure i get my bills for the month paid before I leave, etc. Ay it's alot. But it'll be worth it. And since all i have to do is work a few hours next week I should have plenty of time to do it (hint hint: if anyone wants to get me a graduation present, a lil monetary donation to my Europe trip would be greatly appreciated...spread the word...)

I need a job still. I've had some interviews, but I'm either too qualified and the people think I will get bored and quit, or I'm not quite qualified enough. It's ok though, I will start seriously job hunting when I get back. I may end up working at one or two or three part time jobs until I find something more permanant. The problem is that since I'm planning on going back to grad school in January, I don't know if it's worth it to find a "permanent" job because I will either have to quit or only work part time come January.

I need to get my grad school stuff in order too. Letters of Rec, personal statement, etc. Hopefully I will have it all done and turned in by the end of June. eek.

I still need someone to sublet my apartment in Tucson...keep your ears open for anyone looking for a place down there. It's a really great apartment I promise!

I guess that's really all that's new. This semester truly has just been a whirlwind. I feel like I just started the semester and now it's already over.

But really that's how this whole year has been. This time last year I had just broken up with Davis, my parents were just about to split up, I was moving, starting a new summer job...my life basically was turned upside down. Ending what I thought was going to be a lifelong relationship was just about the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but honestly I have not regretted it once. I didn't realize how far away from my true self I had gotten in the time we were together. I am not saying that is anyone's fault, but I had gotten to the point that I really did not like myself because I had been sacrificing so much of myself for his happiness for so long. I feel like where I am today, I really am the person I used to be, only better. Well, hopefully better. I have gotten so much of my independent personality back and that was something I always liked about myself. I have allowed myself to open up to so many new people and new experiences in the past year, and I never would have had those opportunities if I hadn't left.

Also, I feel like I have had more honest to goodness FUN in the past year than I had had in so long. I have renewed alot of my old friendships, and strengthened ones that I had kept all along. I've taken chances and opened up and just really enjoyed life. I'm looking forward to continuing to do that. Spontaneity definitely creates some of the best memories.

I guess that's really all. Apparently I get very contemplative at 2:30am...haha. But I'm tired now so hopefully I will fall asleep soon. I hope to see you all at my graduation party next week!

Oh and ps...I've also been dating a really great guy for just about three months now...maybe ya'll will get to meet him soon :)